Dear Malawians,

I greet you, good neighbours, with hot tears in my eyes.

Although our government initially tried to hide the illness of His Excellency the President Michael Chilufya Sata, when Lusaka realised the inevitable may happen, it quickly owned up and announced that our dear leader was under the weather and was being evacuated abroad for medical attention.

When King Cobra, as the abrasive guy was fondly known, breathed his last in London, Lusaka promptly made an official announcement. The Cabinet did not only stop at that; it made sure there was smooth transfer of power and the Vice President, Guy Scott, was immediately sworn-in as  President.

Of course there are constitutional issues to contend with but at least we did not have any ‘Mid Night Six’ crooks trying to circumvent the Constitution.

But rewind to April 5, 2012. When you guys were visited by a similar misfortune, you not only tried to hide the obvious; you, like comedians, tried to beat life back into your president. You only succeeded in breaking the poor guy’s ribs! How callous!

That you desecrated the cadaver of the poor guy was not enough for you; you even post-humously assigned a pseudonym to your dear leader and flew his decomposing cadaver to a military hospital in South Africa to give yourselves room to massage your Constitution to frustrate the smooth transfer of power.

Your machinations never worked, of course, but you only ended up confusing your historians from recording properly when exactly your dear leader died. No one, even Jesus of Nazareth, dies on more than one date. But your guy, according to the cynical folks that you are, died not on one, not on two but he died on three different dates! What nonsense is that!

Please, do not do that again; it is not funny, trust me!

Tearfully concerned,

Wisi Boy,

Cairo Road,

Lusaka,

Zambia