People are abstinent for a range of different reasons, including religious views and avoiding unwanted pregnancy, but one man reveals he has opted not to have intercourse for 36 years due to the emotional trauma he suffered from his first sexual encounter.
John A. Rawlings, 54, says that he last had sex at age 18, with a woman he was in a relationship with, but things ended disastrously when she accused him of taking advantage of her the following morning.
‘[She] became emotionally hurt as a result of our intimacy because she had been drinking and the next day she felt as though I had taken sexual advantage of her,’ he writes in an essay on the romance website Your Tango.
Abstinent: John A. Rawlings, 54, reveals he hasn’t had sex in 36 years in a personal essay on Your Tango. Above, he’s seen wearing a shirt that says ‘single and happy’ at his home in Australia
Coming clean: John says he lost his virginity to his girlfriend at age 18, but was traumatized when she accused him of taking advantage of her the following day because she had been drinking
John, who now works as a vocational trainer and employment consultant in Australia, says that for years after the incident, he was ’emotionally traumatized by her reaction and never wanted another relationship’.
He shares that as a result of his career, which entails helping people find jobs, he gradually came to view women in a new light.
‘I understood their need to be seen as equals to their male counterparts, and my ideologies of women changed from being one of sexual appreciation to intellectual appreciation,’ he writes.
The job coach says that he now considers himself a sapiosexual – someone who is turned on sexually due by another’s intelligence, rather than their physical characteristics.
‘I’m turned on by a woman’s mind because, as a man who’s both academically and vocationally aware, I appreciate women who share those same ambitions,’ he writes.
He further explains: ‘I still enjoy women’s intellectual capabilities, and prefer their minds over their physical or sexual features,’ adding: ‘A stimulating conversation is more satisfying to me than anything sexual.’
John reveals that his most recent job caused him to start regarding himself as a sapiosexual because he ‘developed an appreciation’ for women’s minds when he was helping them find work.
Preferences: After years of emotional trauma from the incident, John, who works as a job coach, says he now identifies as sapiosexual – one who is turned on by a person’s intelligence, rather than their body
Habits: John says he regularly masturbates, but that he doesn’t watch porn because it ‘disgusts’ him. He also has not cuddled with a woman for 36 years
However, despite being turned on by women’s intellectual capabilities, the writer says that he still remains ‘happily single’.
‘I’m not interested in sexual activity because the thought of sex with women simply doesn’t inspire me,’ John shares.
While he has many female acquaintances, he says he prefers to keep them in the ‘friend zone’ because he is interested in their minds, rather than their bodies.
‘I don’t miss sex because I never think about it,’ he shares, adding some people think he’s ‘asexual’ -someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction – but he doesn’t think that is true because he does get aroused by women’s minds.
Still, John reveals that he regularly ‘masturbates’, although he says he doesn’t watch porn because it ‘disgusts’ him.
He also admits that he hasn’t cuddled with a woman in 36 years because he doesn’t ‘miss’ cuddling, either.
‘I’m more inclined to sit with a woman and discuss her mind, which is how I find pleasure in my interactions with women,’ he says.
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