It’s complicated.

While representations of different types of relationships are gaining speed in the media, both men and women are still all too often bombarded with widespread conflicting views about what makes a healthy, ideal relationship.

In plain terms, we watch way too much trashy TV and movies that skew our understanding of what a good relationship is.

On top of that, we now have apps that are supposed to decode all of this for us and find us our perfect match.

But what really is your perfect match?

With all this confusion floating around, will you even know when you’ve found it?

Let me help you out here.

These are 16 questions that will help you determine whether you’re in a healthy relationship or not.

Question 1: Does it feel “right”?

This is a great place to start. You may not fully trust your intuition yet, but it’s still got your back nonetheless. Listen up: if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not. Don’t force it.

Question 2: Do you “like” the person you are with?

Love is a messy emotion. It shape-shifts and changes over time. When it does? It can be terrifying. So set that aside momentarily and answer me this: at the end of the day, do you actually “like” the person you’re spending your time with? Would you befriend them if you met today?

Question 3: Do you genuinely care about what your partner cares about?

Now, this isn’t one of those questions to determine compatibility. I couldn’t care less if you and your partner don’t have a single thing in common. What’s important is caring — caring enough about what the other does to show interest, ask questions, and learn more.

Question 4: Do you appreciate your partner?

This is key. Appreciating your partner is the exact opposite of taking them for granted. It means you’re able to see and respect the work they put into their lives and yours. Every. Single. Day.

Question 5: If you were stranded on an island, would you want them there?

If your heart jumps to “Yes!”, awesome. If not, ask yourself why. Are these things that can be worked on? Perhaps not…

Question 6: Do you criticize your partner?

Let’s get something straight: there’s a monumental difference between boosting your partner up with suggestive praise, “I know you can get those extra sales this month, sweetie!” and breaking them down with critique, “I can’t believe you haven’t made those sales yet! Ugh.” Tell me which relationship you’d rather be in and I’ll tell you which is the healthier one.

Question 7: Do you forgive easily?

When your partner messes up, as all partners eventually do, are you able to fully forgive, let go, and move on? If you are, you already have something most relationships don’t. Good job!

Question 8: Do you know your partner?

I mean really know. I mean beyond the basics of a first date. What is it that drives your partner forward day after day? What is their wildest dream? What are they most afraid of? What is their biggest wish, regret, mistake… who are they?

Question 9: Do you have realistic expectations?

Everyone has expectations. The important part for a healthy relationship is making sure said expectations are realistic. For instance, if you’re with a great guy now but are banking on him becoming richer, fitter, more charismatic, more mature, whatever, just don’t. You can’t have a healthy relationship if it’s based on potential. You need to accept the person as they are now. Chances are that’s who they’ll always be.

Question 10: Do you spend quality time together?

I’m not talking Netflix and Chill. I’m talking chatting, cuddling, and experiencing new things. I’m talking going for walks and holding hands, cozying up and reading to each other, looking into each other’s eyes even! I’m talking quality.

Question 11: If you got sick, like really sick, would they be there by your side day in and day out?

If you can’t answer “Yes!” for sure, it’s time to rethink things. Healthy relationships weather all storms together.

Question 12: Do you trust your partner’s advice?

This. Is. Huge. If you don’t trust their advice, chances are high that you don’t trust a lot of other things in your relationship too. Ask yourself why. That answer will give you what you need to either work it out or move on.

Question 13: When you have a rough day, do you confide in them?

Sharing the ups and downs of life is the most precious thing about long-term relationships. If you don’t feel this is an option, something’s not right. In the same vein, if you aren’t there for your partner, you aren’t putting in 100%. You aren’t meeting them halfway. This needs to change.

Question 14: Do you keep score?

Don’t. Even though the saying stands that a little competition is good for relationships, keeping score is a surefire way to destroy it. Remember, it’s not “you and me” or “me and you,” it’s “us.” You and your partner are a unit — and you should be working together, not against each other (which is bound to happen when you’re keeping score).

Question 15: Do you accept their flaws?

We. All. Have. Them. Yes, even you. So ask yourself this: can you accept your partner as he or she is today in this moment? If I asked your partner the same question, would they say yes? Think about this one extra hard. And remember: there’s a difference between flaws and dangerous behaviors like binge drinking and doing drugs, okay? I’m talking chewing too loudly, biting their nails type of flaws here.

Question 16: Do you have your own version of happily ever after?

Screw the script! Toss. It. Out. Healthy relationships are based upon common goals and a shared vision of the future. Do you two have one yet? There’s no better time than the present to find out… start talking!

After all is said and done, you need to remember this: sometimes, it won’t work. It won’t be the right time, the right place, or the right person. You need to be willing to leave if this is case. I mean, fight for something you believe in, sure, but also know when it’s time to call it quits. Put yourself first. It’s hard, yes. But! Leaving opens your heart up to the potential of an actual healthy relationship! And that, my friend, is a treasure worth hunting for.