- Have a “growth mind-set
Be a lifelong learner. If both of you are willing to learn from your mistakes
and the challenges in your relationship, you will thrive as individuals and as
a couple.
2. Take good care of yourself
You can’t give from an empty cup. Keep up your self-care no matter what. This
is especially important for women, who often give until depleted and then
nobody’s happy.
3. Let go of perfectionism—your partner isn’t perfect, and neither are you
In all relationships, both partners will make mistakes. Don’t let perfectionism
destroy what is overall a good, solid, loving relationship. Be kind to yourself
and be kind to your sweetheart.
4. Say “appreciations” often before going to sleep
Right before drifting off to sleep, share a few things that you appreciate
about each other. (Three is a good number, but feel free to share more.) It
could be something you did that day or a quality (like “I love how honest
you are with me”) you value. Focus on what you love and appreciate about
each other and you will find more to love and appreciate.
5. Remember: Men want respect, and women want to be cherished.
Women: Be respectful and kind to your man and he will cherish you. Men: Cherish and be kind to your woman and she will respect you. Win-win!
6. Practice forgiveness—not just forgiving your spouse, but forgiving yourself.
Be willing to forgive. Practice forgiveness for your partner’s mistakes and for your own. (See number 3, above.)
7. Never threaten divorce. That’s the kiss of death.
Don’t throw around the threat of divorce, even in the heat of an argument. Your marriage is too important and too sacred to threaten to end it over an argument.
- Practice “the simmer” (and don’t forget to “deliver”)
You want to keep your relationship on simmer and then gradually and
consistently bring it to a boil. What does that mean? It means flirt with your
partner. Send each other sexy texts. Pat him on the butt when you pass him in
the kitchen. Give her a long lingering kiss over the laundry. And then remember
to let that simmer turn into a full-blown boil regularly. Enjoy yourself.
Regular sex is important in your relationship for so many reasons.
9. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with each other.
Brené Brown said, “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” Opening your heart and sharing your tender places with your spouse creates real intimacy and connection. Always be willing to share your true, deep, scary feelings. This helps create a bond that will last. And ladies, please know that his vulnerability may look different than yours. That’s okay.
- Marry the right person.
After over 10 years of coaching women to do the inner work to prepare to find
love, we’ve seen over and over again that the personal growth investments of
time, energy and resources BEFORE you meet your future spouse have a return
that is exponential. You have a higher chance of attracting a quality person
who will stick by you when you have learned how your beliefs and behaviors
create your circumstances. Your past does not have to equal your future!
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