“I’m not the person the media portrays me to be,” platinum rapper DMX says. “X is the bad guy. That’s not who I am. I’m not that person you see on TV.”
The 49-year-old Earl Simmons, better known as DMX (which stand for “Dark Man X”), turned to Dr. Phil. DMX has opened up about his dark past and personal struggles. During the interview, he revealed that he suffers from bipolar disorder, which causes severe mood swings between mania and depression. The troubled star also discussed his battle to beat drug addiction and his history with dog fighting.
Despite all of his numerous arrests and now welcoming his 15th child into this world, DMX says he’s destined to be a preacher.
“That’s where I can’t give you an answer-will I have more influence as a pastor or a rap artist?” DMX previously said in a radio interview. “But I do believe that God allowed my music career to create the platform to lay the foundation to gain the ear, to gain the credibility, so that way when I do become a pastor, I don’t think I’m going to lose fans, I think I’m going to gain more.”
That was just over month ago. Now he’s preaching.
“I say miracles only happen on the platform of tragedy. If there’s not a difficult situation, if there’s not a situation where you can’t see you possibly getting through on your own then where’s the potential for the miracle?
“If it wasn’t that difficult than it would be just another situation that you got through with a little bit of time, but because it was something bigger than you, something that you know took more than you to get you through; It’s not that God made these things happen but what I’m saying is that He allowed those things to happen, just so you know what He’s willing to do for you.”
But it was on June 28, 2016 that DMX went back on the nationally-syndicated radio show, The Breakfast Club and shared some of his “method of madness” and even shared a powerful prayer.
“I used to be really clear on who was what and what characteristics each personality had. But I don’t know at this point. I’m not even sure there is a difference,” he continued. “I’m Earl when I’m with my children. I miss my children, I miss my children, I miss my children.”
DMX, whose struggles with substance abuse have been documented for a long time, says that he’s trying to get clean and is taking it in stride.
“Every day, I start my day off with a prayer to ask the Lord to guide my steps. Cover me and keep me safe. Every album, there’s a gospel song and a prayer. Every album, from the beginning.”
What many may not know is that DMX has been ordained as a Deacon at a Christian ministry in New York State before 2009 and has preached before!
“I read the whole bible. I just been made a deacon at the church I used to go to—Morning Star. I would like my first sermon to be there or in Yonkers.”
DMX, interestingly, muses about what it means to be ready for true transformation and realizes that reading the Bible is not enough.
“The biggest step is not in the studying, reading, but the wanting to change the way you live. Wanting different things for yourself, and making that change because if you still want to drink and smoke, you could read as much as you want, that doesn’t mean you’re ready.”
Despite multiple jail stints and highly publicized turmoil in his life, the rapper maintains that he desires to serve the Lord, eventually retire from music, and settle down as a preacher.
As difficult as it is for the media to discern between Earl Simmons and DMX, the rapper has similar issues on a personal level and says that he’s not even sure that there is a difference sometimes: “I used to be really clear on who was what and what characteristics each personality had. But I don’t know at this point. I’m not even sure there is a difference. I’m Earl when I’m with my children. I miss my children, I miss my children, I miss my children.”
Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, can mean wild mood swings and extreme shifts in energy, which can make it difficult to get things done every day. Patients who live with the disorder often have a hard time maintaining stability, especially when interacting with other people. They may have explosive outbursts of temper that are unpredictable followed by deep depression characterized by hopelessness and despair.
It’s not uncommon among those living with mental illness to also struggle with drug addiction. Many dealing with depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and other significant illnesses will often attempt to medicate the symptoms with drugs and alcohol, ultimately developing an addiction as a result. Dual Diagnosis treatment is often the only way to get help for both disorders at the same time.
His faith is something that DMX also struggles with.
For now, DMX is working on staying clean and sober in addition to getting the help he needs for bipolar disorder – “one day at a time” is his motto and spirituality is his guide: “I ask God to guide my steps. Cover me and keep me safe..”
“There will never be another me, never,” he said. “To this day, I have records that have yet to be broken.”
