Growing up can be that ego, confidence bruising journey that we have all gone through. Let’s be real, kids can be darn mean! This is where the teasing about the big heads, nose, and skin tone (the darker you are the more prone you are to ‘ you are dark as’ jokes) begins.

And then there are the manhood / penis diaries. The hilarious pee (urine) distance-target tests! How far does …Does your foreskin pull backwards? Why does it curve to the left? Then the mother of all traumas ‘the mine is bigger than yours’ and ‘yours is smaller’ battles. Yes, the manhood measuring contests are so real and can scar a person for life. So if you are making that trip to validate your pen*s’s worth please grab a chair and let’s go for the raw talk.

Does Dick Size Matter?

I have found myself backtracking to my ex countless times and for one reason to reconnect with his soldier boy aka his pen*s. It’s not the world’s grandest pen*s, but it does the ‘work’ of the Lord. Can I get an Alleluyah!! When he lays the pipe, he does it real good. Yeah, you heard me right. Just talking about it literally sends shivers down my spine. Yes, he makes me feel like I have clit all over. He sets my body on fire. Not even the insults, the threats, the name-calling from his current will deter me. I am relentless like that. It’s pen*s that I want and it’s  dick that I will get!! Of course his pen*s.

You might be wondering, On a scale of small, very small, super small, extremely small how would I rate it? It’s a Medium-sized. But, he is that ex whose calls, texts cause massive confusion in my relationship and temporarily throws it into the gutter. Yes, he is that ex.

Then with my other ex, I have been tossed, flipped, even tried out unimaginable positions and have had sex in places where one can only fantasize about. The Car, kitchen, shower, office, toilet, car park sex we have done it all. I have had instances where the sex encounters were po_rn worthy material and the guy fits in the perfect po_rn actor profile.

Nicely toned body, abs energiser bunny (he goes on and on and all). Oooh, and did I mention that he is endowed with a BIG pen*s in every sense. But I have been left pen*s-matised by the big ‘guns’. I realised that I didn’t need to traumatise my ovaries/ cervix by subjecting them to 30-45 minute long ramming

The moment that it’s like solving some complex Math problem that’s where everything unravels. I want to be able to go down on you without worrying about a jaw lock or my teeth biting off a piece/chunk of your pen*s. Or put my mouth’s elasticity to test like a first-time yoga, gymnastics or ballet student. Newsflash!! It can only stretch so much!! When I deep throat, I don’t have to summon my ancestral spirits (amadhlozi) so that I master my gag reflexes. I don’t have to dread the getting it from behind, because it feels like someone is trying to negotiate a meandering sharp curve.

The most uncomfortable conversation is asking ‘Is it in?’ The last thing any lady wants is to fumble or ask if you in-when it’s already Inside and he is having his orgasm. Every girl`s worst nightmare is hooking up with a minuscule. My sister always complains that she feels nothing when he is inside-maybe ticklish. Barely feels him inside and he is constantly slipping out. The cynic in me snidely remarks if he is the current titleholder of the World Smallest manhood in the Guinness Book Of Records.

In conclusion, does pen*s size matter? Extremely small won’t sate the appetite and will leave one begging for more. Neither will too big do the work- tummy ache. Well, you might say the size of the boat doesn’t matter but the motion of the ocean…That’s ridiculous. Because then all men will be swallowed by the ocean From yours truly the honest truth is we all need a decent-sized penis

We all have our personal preferences but this is the only time where the average is acceptable. Yes, an average-sized pen*s. Y’all keep your cassavas and baby carrots!! We are laying to rest the centuries-old argument.