Being married is not a do-or-die affair. You do not need a woman to complete you or a man to complete you. You need to be able to complete yourself.

This concept is also known or called self-love. Something many of us do not know how to do because of religion and our culture.

It takes a while to get used to in some cases, especially if you are the type that enjoys being around people, or the type that won’t be happy if you have no one to talk to.

There are many wonderful things that come with singleness. However, there are also many reasons why being alone can make us lonely.

Unfortunately, for many of us, loneliness becomes the centre of our attention instead of the good things that are worthy to celebrate. The magic is understanding why you are lonely, learning to deal with it and knowing how to handle it.

Do you know that happy people attract healthy, happy and confident people? Somehow you radiate joy to all those around you and find people getting attracted to your shine.

They won’t be able to help it .Being single allows you to be able to do things without having to consult someone or not needing to consider how your actions and decisions would affect your husband and child.

You see, there are many reasons to enjoy the now, if only we learn to live for now. But more often than not, we focus on what we don´t have.

If you have great difficulty learning how to live a life of singlehood, these are tips that can help you attract what you deserve provided you personally do not have unattractive characteristics or bad habits.

Smile

Have you ever noticed that when you are angry and it shows all over your body, you find it more difficult getting over the anger? According to several scientific researches, one in particular was led by clinical psychologist James Laird in 1960 which triggered further clinical studies, forcing yourself to smile has direct effect on your feeling of happiness.

When you force yourself to smile, you feel happier.

If you frown, you feel significantly angrier. Your thoughts wander to things that make you angry.

Therefore, if you want to be happy, smile as often as you can. Make it a habit. Do it a few minutes every day. It may seem strange at first, but the more you try, the better you become.

Always try to keep a smile on your face. Trust me, if you try it after a week, you will see the difference.

Enjoy your walk or exercise             

I`m a runner and a walker. I love taking long walks too sometimes, right from my university days when my husband and I trekked for survival. It became a part of us, and for me, it became therapeutic. I walk when I am angry or upset, and I see it helps quite a number of people too.

A few months ago, I was hitting a daily target of 12,000 to 16,000 steps in a day. Oh yes. Better to walk than speak in anger. By the time I get back to my destination, there is no energy left in me to scream or shout. Words are sensitive. Once you drop them, that is the end.

At first, it took me conscious efforts to be aware of the way I walked and to remind myself of the way I should walk in order to feel happier.

In a matter of four weeks, I was able to change the way I walk. I now walk straight and take long steps. I smile and bounce and I enjoy swinging my arms. I often think of myself silly, but I couldn´t stop smiling to myself until I reach my destination.

Stop your negative thoughts

One of the reasons why many people hate being alone is that being alone triggers negative thoughts. Once their partners aren´t around and the curtains are down, their negative thoughts start to act action films in their heads.

The disadvantage in negative thinking is that it destroys you gradually, self-esteem and everything including confidence. How are you going to battle against such terrible thoughts that are too effective in putting you down?

Once you stop believing those negative thoughts, you will be happier alone. In fact, you will appreciate more being with yourself. This is why you have to learn to love yourself.

Happy talk

Did you know that you can talk to yourself and make yourself feel happier? Have you ever tried it? I am not referring to mental instability kind of talk.  I mean self-talk from within.

I guess you´ve tried more talking to yourself and making yourself feel worse.

There is this critical, unforgiving side of yourself who tells you, “you´re ugly”, “you´re stupid”, “you´re not good enough”, “you´re a loser”, “you´re worthless”, and so on.

But there´s a way to be proactive. You can reinforce positivity by talking to yourself positively and giving yourself positive affirmations.

Some Christians raise objections to positive affirmations because they claim that these urge us to focus on ourselves and not God. But as a good Christian, you can learn to find the right balance.

Here are some examples on how to talk to yourself happily. It will feel odd at first, but with practice, it will come naturally.

• I feel surprisingly good about myself today.
• I am beautiful. I´m a beautiful creature of God.
• I think that I can make a success of things.
• There is no replica of me anywhere because I am unique
• I am loved by myself
• I can do better

Cultivate friendship with others

If someone so special to you, especially your partner (suddenly) gets a new boyfriend, girlfriend or gets married, it will affect your relationship. You will start missing on your girls/boys` night outs or weekend get-togethers.

So, take advantage of this time to make new friendships with other single ladies or other single guys. Make friends, make friends, make friends.

Who knows? You may be the next to get a boyfriend or girlfriend as the case may be. Human beings are social beings.

We need people to thrive, maybe not on the same level. But at some point, you will find out you can’t exist alone. So, married or not, you need a close circle, but  choose wisely. Happiness is a choice not a circumstance. I wish you all the best.