You see yourself shouting “God when” on so many social media posts, admiring the many love stories and pictures. However, your own love life seems to be in a state of chaos.
You have made efforts to ensure you have a better love life but it all seems to be futile. Often, most people want intimacy but always fail at it.
Most people are afraid of being alone and at the same tome afraid of intimacy.
Below are some reasons and ways to tell you are afraid of intimacy. It is possible you are not aware you are.
Your actions are different from your intentions
The way we create distance in a relationship is different for each of us and is typically heavily informed by our attachment history. A person with a dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern may be aloof toward the needs of another person, in particular a romantic partner.
This attitude might often be as a result of past relationships, heartbreaks or even family history. A person who was neglected while growing up might find it difficult to show love to a romantic partner.
Getting to know our attachment history can offer us tremendous insight into our patterns and understanding of our behaviors. Yet, as we’re examining our relationships in real-time, it’s valuable to identify the moments when our actions don’t match our idea of what we want. You can tell someone you love them and your action says otherwise. When this happens, your partner might pull away while you keep wondering what the issues are.
Your feelings always shift
There are some people who get tired of relationships and suddenly change their behaviours towards their partner. One minute, you are on a date with someone, laughing and feeling a sense of excitement, the next morning you are second-guessing and talking yourself out of your feelings. This is often because being connected to someone else also connects us to our fears around loss and the pain of not having felt that love in the past.
You always find excuses for your bad behaviours
When your partner points out issues in the relationship, you always have an excuse or a reason for being difficult. Once you constantly find excuses, it becomes difficult to apologise and this will subsequently affect your relationship. Instead of running away from the major issues, it is important to face them, they also help you get better.
The more we understand our fear of intimacy, exploring its source and challenging the behaviors it inspires, the more we can grow and develop in ourselves and our relationships.
We can expand our capacity to give and receive love. And we can enjoy the lasting closeness and connection we say we want.
