ZAMBIA – WHILE it takes many years of hard work and study for one to become a gynaecologist, all that a 42-year old man of Lusaka’s Avondale township required was suspicion that his wife was cheating.

Like an illegal miner digging for mineral deposits at Kitwe’s Black Mountain, Amos Chirwa has been using his fingers to mine his wife’s private parts in search of foreign reproductive fluids as well as evidence of trespass by another man.

For his extreme and odd investigative tactics which cannot be applied even by the world-famous Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) or the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), Chirwa has lost his marriage of 13 years to his fertile wife Bessie Msiska aged 39 who in the course of their union has delivered for him one set of twins aged 13 and another set of triplets aged seven.

The couple appeared before the Lusaka Boma Local Court on Wednesday after Bessie sued for divorce.

Appearing before senior local court justice Bertha Zulu, Bessie said she no longer wanted to be Mrs Chirwa because whenever her husband returned home drunk, he accused her of being adulterous.

“This time, I have left home for good because he came drunk and attempted to stick his fingers in my private parts accusing me that I have slept with other men,” Bessie told the court.

Besides his unwelcome excavation activities in her mine of milk and honey, Bessie told the court that her husband had an audacious and licentious side chick who is not shy to fete him with adultery appetisers in form of nudes of herself on his mobile phone.

Bessie also told the court that Chirwa does not support the family financially and feeding five sons was not easy for her.

But Chirwa objected to the divorce petition saying he loved his wife and wanted to continue being her husband.

Chirwa blamed the couple’s matrimonial problems on alcohol, admitting that both him and his wife were quite dedicated to the digestion of intoxicating beverages which causes them to argue half the time.

“We were having problems because my wife would come home drunk and very late. One time I caught her with another man who dropped her home in a drunken state around 22:00 hours,” Chirwa told the court.

“I love my wife and my children and I want a home with them; I can change and rebuild myself.”

But Bessie insisted that the court should undo her marriage knot with Chirwa because as far as she was concerned, it was more likely for the now genuinely humbled Edgar Lungu to become President of Zambia again than her husband changing into a better man.

She feared that with all the violent clashes in their home, which had become toxic for their sons, one of them may just join the long list of victims of spousal murders.

Mind you, among the violent clashes in the couple’s home is the issue of the man sinking his inspective fingers into the honey pot, due to his misgivings about infidelity.

After Bessie’s insistence, the court dissolved the couple’s marriage, ordering that Chirwa takes custody of the twins while the triplets would stay with their mother.

Justice Zulu observed that the couple’s marriage could not stand because of their unbridled jealous and unfaithfulness and that the couple lacked seriousness towards marriage commitment as they had been immature in their conduct.

She ordered Chirwa to maintain the triplets with K600 every month while the cost of education and medical requirements shall be shared between both parties.

Since Chirwa and Bessie have been separated, they will probably be freely punishing beer, their beloved mind-altering liquid.

• Source – Kalemba