I found out a few days ago that my wife’s been having an affair with a neighbor who lives in the same yard as us. She never acted differently, so I had no reason to suspect anything was going on. I thought we had a solid marriage and we parent as a team. We’ve been married for 12 years with two kids in primary school.

Last Monday, a retired neighbor asked me casually why our neighbor is going to my house so frequently during the week when no one except my wife was at home. That caught me off guard because my wife never mentioned him coming to our house. When I asked her about it, she was visibly uncomfortable but tried to play it down.

She said our retired neighbor was exaggerating, that the mentioned neighbor had only come over once or twice to pick up games and books that his kids had left at our house. I didn’t believe her, but didn’t want to press it.

The next day, I called our retired neighbor from work and asked him if he could let me know right away if he saw our neighbor go to my house. Last Thursday, he called me around 11am to tell me he saw the guy walking up to our house.

I live close to work, so I drove back home. I went in through the door next to our garage so no one would hear me. Without going into the details, I caught them having sex in one of the spare bedrooms. I don’t know how I kept my cool, but I turned around and left. My wife called and texted me repeatedly after that. I told her to meet me in my office building’s parking lot to talk.

She had been having sex with our neighbor since November. It started with them chatting at our kids’ school bus stop in the mornings. That turned into the guy asking my wife for coffee, she invited him over, and a week later they started having sex. They would meet three or four times a week, always making plans after putting the kids on the bus.

I checked her phone no record of phone calls or texts, I guess she deleted everything.
She claims she doesn’t know why she did this, she was flattered by the attention and got caught up in the excitement of it. It was a total hit to my self-esteem that she enjoyed the sex. I feel inadequate now, to say the least.

I told her parents, her brother and her sister that she’s been having an affair that day. I kicked her out of the house and she’s been staying with her parents since last Thursday. I went to the guy’s house Thursday night and told him to stay away from my family. He didn’t have anything to say for himself, but he did look ashamed. His wife was traveling for work last week, but I was able to get her through email. I don’t know what kind of shock or disbelief she must’ve been in, because all she responded with was, “thank you for telling me.”
I don’t know what to do. Our kids think their mom is at their grandparents’ house to help them. I’m trying to keep it together, but it’s been very difficult. I go back and forth…

wanting to save our marriage one minute, divorcing her the next. She claims she’s never cheated with anyone else. I just don’t get how she could jump into bed so easily with this guy. There have been a few times over the last few weeks when we were together with them and their kids, makes me sick.