1. Do not correct your spouse in public. It makes him or her feel embarrassed
2. Do not shout at your spouse when correcting
3. Do not use words like “You never…”, “You always…”. Doing so is an unfair exaggeration. Say “I don’t think it was proper what you did yesterday”
4. Do not correct your spouse as if he/she is a child saying “Please act your age”, “Grow up”, “You’re so childish”. This doesn’t show respect
5. Do not correct your spouse about something serious when you two don’t have ample time to talk about it. Do it in a relaxed atmosphere
6. As you correct your spouse speak with a loving tone
7. Do not correct your spouse in front of your children. It shows disrespect
8. Don’t compare your spouse with others saying “Why can’t you be like other women/men?”, “Why can’t you be like so and so?”. It undermines your spouse and kills self confidence
9. Don’t bring up your spouse’s mistakes of the past. It only compounds issues
10. Praise your spouse more than you give criticism
11. As you correct your spouse, don’t let your spouse doubt your love. You can do this by saying “You know I love you. Sweetheart, I noticed that….”
12. Do not let your feelings get the best of you and say irrational things
13. Expect a push back from your spouse or a justification, most adults don’t take correction lightly but if you remain gentle, eventually you’re spouse will be receptive
14. Once you’ve corrected your spouse, don’t police him/her; this will only demoralize your spouse’s efforts
15. Appreciate your spouse’s growth
16. Don’t take life too seriously
17. Remember that the purpose of correcting your spouse is not to prove you’re right but to inspire your spouse to be better. When you focus on proving you are right, you might win the argument but lose your marriage or make things difficult between you two

© Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech