Our lives have changed entirely in the last few decades. The way we live, communicate, and most importantly, our relationships. Jump back a few decades, in the olden days, people got married rather quickly before even finding out much about the other person’s baggage. And by the time both opened up to each other, exposing all fears, annoying habits, and insecurities, not much could be done, and divorce was hardly an option.

Now, things have changed significantly. Many people are marrying late or not at all. The word dating is no more popular. With the entire world being at our fingertips, and the global interconnectedness, people now have many options that even after reaching a dead end, we just keep moving, rejecting others, and getting rejected in the process. This makes us truly scared to show someone who we really are.

We are now living in a society where some people are too scared to be alone and ready to be treated less than the way they deserve. While some stand at a weird border. They don’t truly give in themselves nor let anyone in as they are scared of what others are going to think about them.

Modern Relationships and Millennials

Over the years, both dating and marriage norms have changed. Millennials are being patient and waiting longer to marry and have kids. This could be because millennials prefer a live-in relationship before marriage so that they can try out the idea of living together, without committing oneself entirely to the relationship.

At the same time, the couples in this generation, when married, are more likely to get divorced. The divorce rate is not high, with only under three divorces per 1,000 people, as per CDC data. But compared to the 50s, the rates are comparatively higher. 

So, what has gone wrong?

Before we delve into the details as to how the relationships are going to change in 2020, it is important to first determine what exactly is wrong with our relationships today. They have changed significantly in the past couple of years, and 2020 is not going to be much different.

Well, the main reason relationships fall apart nowadays is because people have a choice. And due to this, people are choosing to be scared and escape from their own vulnerability. Rather than seeing the truth for what it is, we rather blame others simply dismissing the idea that maybe we need to take a look inside ourselves and grow. Since we are not ready to commit to ourselves, we don’t commit to others either.

For most, love comes easily. Or they think it should. And this idea of easy involves not having to invest time and effort into making a relationship work. The present generation might think of themselves as those who don’t quit when it comes to love, but the reality is otherwise. All it takes is a single challenge to make them feel paranoid and frustrated, and as a result, make them give up.

The thing is that we are taught that our fears help us escape. And thus avoid getting connected with someone. This pretty much eliminates the chances of us forming a relationship as we would rather stay inside the walls of our fears, and as a result, both people end up losing each other.

We are afraid to give in everything to build a real relationship.

The Fixation with Instant Gratification

We are living our lives without working towards a direction – a goal. What we should be doing is step up, communicate, and be clear to ourselves and others regarding what we truly want. A large chunk of us want to be with someone and share our lives with them, but the moment they open up to us, we take off saying we aren’t ready. The affection might be there, but no commitment.

This is truly living for the moment to fill in that void of attention and affection. Sure, we spend hours together with someone. But without making lasting memories. And that time, too, can be interrupted if we find something else that fascinates, interests, or thrills us. We only stick with them until we find someone new – usually giving us the impression of feeling wanted. We are so attuned to instant gratification in everything that it even plays into our love lives.

We give all signs to want a relationship but are not putting any effort to continue to have one. We just want someone that gives us the thrill or makes us feel alive for the moment, and as soon as the spark is out, we pick up our phones and begin to look for someone else. That much instant gratification has blinded us.

Another common excuse is, “I am not ready for this.” That’s easier, giving up love to let fears run our love lives.

Comparison of Old and New Relationships

Another issue is that of comparison between the past and new relationships as our innate fear or old patterns repeating and ruining what we have at the moment. Out of this fear, various insecurities rise. The biggest fear someone has in a relationship is getting cheated on. This dread of being a victim of infidelity has given rise to apps that are marketed as a child or employee monitoring apps but are widely used among people to catch their cheating partners. One of them is Xnspy and has become very popular among those who want to keep an eye on every move of their partner. This could be due to experience or as a leverage to continue to stay with someone who cheated on you.

These apps are as smart as they come. They monitor text messages, call logs, social media chats, and web browsing history, real-time location as well as location history. Xnspy can even record calls and surroundings. Now using these apps could become an obsessive trait even, what started as maybe an act to regain trust (the cheating party allowing you to keep tabs on them) becomes an obsessive habit. Just waiting for the other person to mess up or reading too much between the lines so you can leave.

Dating Apps and Social Media

Apart from using the Xnspy girlfriend/boyfriend monitoring app and other apps like these who claim to help you catch your cheating partner, dating apps and social media also have quite the role to play. Especially in instant gratification. Talk to anyone who uses such apps and platforms, and they would tell you how hard it is.

Social media and dating apps have complicated dating. People cannot easily communicate, and they are not willing to spend time on someone. A tiny thing happens, and they are ready to call it quits since there are so many options right at your fingertips. Our lives have almost become devoid of direct human interaction, and social media and dating apps allow us to enjoy instant gratification right away. People have begun to apply the same thing to their love lives too.

We want to continue chasing love but don’t want to fall into it. We have seasonal flings, comforting relationships, dating for months without committing to the relationship.

How do we change it?

The way we view relationships is the problem. Our belief in having options is just an excuse to ignore and avoid doing any real work. We would rather spend hours with people on the internet rather than on one person. We don’t want to know a person. The main problem is that social media and dating apps have made it easier to hook up. We just want to feel good.

We are afraid to get our hearts broken, getting hurt, falling in love, and not being good enough. The only way we can change it by breaking our shackles and coming out of this mindset that letting people show you are vulnerable is something bad. We have to stop allowing instant gratification and other superficial feelings to stop us from getting what we really want.

Take ownership of who you are, what you want, and be willing to put in your time and effort into building a relationship. Do not rely on apps like Xnspy to build or rebuild the trust that you lost. We are not taught love and relationship that is why we often have no idea about it when we enter our adult life. We make mistakes and adopt the wrong ideas from society’s representation of modern relationships.

The key is being honest and looking inside yourself. Knowing how to love is different than understanding how to love. You must know that the fairy tale idea of someone completing our existence does not hold true. These people, when they enter our lives, are to help us know ourselves, and see the parts we have left abandoned. We just need to realize that we are complete already – just a bit lost and afraid.

– Elcrema