When you think that someone is coming onto you s3xually, it can be an awkward and confusing situation to be in if you don’t feel the same way.
Learn things that you can say to stop the advance in a respectful way. With your partner, you can learn how to respectfully decline s3x, too.
Know what you are comfortable doing sexually, and learn how to have a conversation about s3x and your boundaries.
Acknowledge the request in a polite but firm way. For example, if someone you know asks you if you want to go home with them, you can say “thank you for inviting me.”
Acknowledge the request while remaining confident and polite. If this is someone who should not be asking you for s3x because you do not know them or because of your relationship, say “I don’t think that question is appropriate for you to ask me.”
You should leave and find a friend. If the request is vaguer, for example, if someone is trying to get you to have s3x and says “don’t you think I’m cute”, you should say “that is not what this is about.” Acknowledging their remark will help you seem confident and strong.
Tell the person no, and then explain why. Do not avoid saying no. It is important to be confident and clear so that they know you are serious.
Depending on whether you know this person or not, you can say different things to explain. If this is someone you are interested in but you don’t want to have s3x, you can say “thank you for the invitation, but no, I don’t have s3x.”
Depending on how close you are, you can explain to the person your reasons. If you are with someone you might want to have s3x with in the future, you can say “Thank you for asking, but no, I don’t want to have sex until I know you even better.”
If this is someone who is just your friend, say “thank you for asking, but no, I just want to be friends.”
Say you appreciate them or your time together. After you say no, you can follow it up by saying “thank you for the dance”.
Say this sincerely and explain why you enjoyed yourself. You can say, for example, “I had so much fun seeing this band.”
This can distract from the awkwardness and remind them of the setting and situation.
Say goodnight and/or move on to something else. If this is someone you do not know, say “have a good night” and then leave.
Be nice and genuine when you say this if they have been respectful to you. If you are with someone you know, move on and do something else. For example, you can say “let’s go find our friends”.
If you do not know the person and you feel uncomfortable, find your friends or get out your cell phone to show the person that you are busy.
Say no again. If they ask you again, continue to stand your ground. For example, if your friend suggests s3x to you again, you can say “I said no. I don’t want to have s3x.”
You want to be bold and restate that you do not want to have s3x so that they do not ask you again. You don’t have to explain yourself again.
But say it confidently and clearly. If they keep suggesting sex, you should leave. You will not be able to have a good time with this person if they are mainly interested in having s3x, and you do not want to have s3x.
Stop the actions that lead toward s3x. If things are moving faster or physically toward sex, stop it before it goes any further.
Move away from the person if they are moving in. If it has progressed further, take off the hand, arm, or body part that is making the advance off of you.
If the person is more forcefully touching you, say “stop” firmly and loudly.
If they keep going, push your hands out from your body, and you should get away from them. Do not feel bad about stopping the action. If someone is trying to force s3x on you, you need to respect yourself and your body.
This is your body and you have a right to defend yourself as well as say no to any kind of unwanted physical advance.
